


Cries Unheeded

by HissHex



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Familial Abuse, Gen, Martin Blackwood has done nothing wrong in his entire life, Projection? In my TMA fic?, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25254409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HissHex/pseuds/HissHex
Summary: Martin tried.He always tried and it never mattered.To his mother, he would never be good enough.And she was right of course, she always was.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Cries Unheeded

**Author's Note:**

> I love Martin so much and his relationship to his mother will always be unfortunately relatable for me. 
> 
> I would like to thank my mother for being an outstanding muse for this fic by making me feel like garbage. 
> 
> Warning: This is rough guys, This is all hurt no comfort.

Martin pressed his knuckles to his mouth, his head bowed as he shook. His breath left him in slow, forced exhales as he tried to suppress his sobs.    
He didn’t pay attention to the tears that ran down his cheeks, turning them a blotchy red, or to the fact that he could no longer breathe through his blocked nose. 

The only thing he cared about was not alerting her to his cries. 

His mother was in the next room over, no doubt ignoring the meal he had made for her, unworried and uncaring of the harsh words she had just spat at him. Martin was curled up in his bed on top of the covers, a ratty blanket wrapped around his shoulders, fruitlessly trying to warm up the cold pit that lay heavy in his chest.    
  
He had upset her.   
  
He  _ kept  _ doing that.   
  
He didn’t mean to. A kind smile as he came in to help her with her medicine, she would leave it otherwise, and a failed attempt to reach her in conversation as he tidied up around her. He tried so hard to make her safe, to make her happy. He cleaned her, fed her, took a night job to help pay for things, but none of it mattered to his mother. It didn’t matter that he was hungry and tired all the time. It didn’t matter that his grades were getting worse and worse as he had little to no time for homework or studying when he was the only one bringing in any money. It didn’t matter that her every word felt like a fist reaching deep inside his chest like it was pulling something out, a choking, aching pain that she drowned him in, layer by layer of pain and grief.    
  
Everything he did would always be wrong. He was always a failure.    
  
He just wanted to be good, for her to be proud of him.   
  
He shook as she banged on the wall that separated their rooms as his breath hitched a little too loud.   
  
Martin was sure she had smiled at him once upon a time. Back before she was ill. Before dad left.    
  
Not anymore.    
  
He had to bite down on the knuckles shoved into his mouth to quieten the small sob that threatened to slip out of his throat. He tried to hard to be kind and polite, to work hard. He wasn’t though, he knew that. He knew he was selfish and cruel and lazy and useless. It wasn’t his mum’s fault that she had upset him, it wasn’t like she was wrong.    
  
She wouldn’t be so unhappy with him if he just did better. If he could just understand her rules, if only he could know them before he broke them, rather than only once she was already shouting at him.    
  
Her tea had been too cold, she had complained, how was she supposed to take her pills with the swill he had made. She was right of course, how could she not be. And yes, he should have just made her another cup of tea rather than bring a glass of water, even if he had been tired, even if he only had an hour before his night-shift started. She was just tired, that why she had screamed at him to get out of her sight.  Screamed the cold, cruel but undoubtedly true words, that had cut him so deeply.   
Talking of being tired, he felt his body relax into the bed, the long day at school and the trouble with his mother had left him exhausted. His tight grip on his leg relaxed and he stretched out and uncurled. His breath evened out, even as quiet little hiccups occasionally escaped. He closed his eyes, still red-rimmed from crying.    
  
He felt himself slip away into the blissful grasp of sleep when he was jerked awake by a loud noise.    
  
His alarm. For his job. That he had to go to now and that he had been able to have no sleep before. Martin considered not going in, just letting sleep take him away once more.   
  
He remembered the bills piling up on the table.    
He remembered his mother, her medication might be paid for but nothing else was.   
He remembered the completely empty fridge downstairs.    
  
Martin levered himself out of bed with a sigh, pressing his palms over his eyes before letting his usual soft smile settle on his face like a grim mask as he headed out.


End file.
